He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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