we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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