I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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