I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
