Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
