Yo dont text me then not text me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
