I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
