spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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