who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My vagina just recognized that song.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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