Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
