Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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