I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize