doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
