I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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