The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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