So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
