So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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