FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
