Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
