I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
