I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
