But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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