i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just invented taco cereal.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
