So drunk its hurt
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
