She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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