is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
