so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
