dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
