I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
