I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
