It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
