Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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