none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
