currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
