But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My feet surprised me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
