they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize