So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
