He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
