no, he came in my armpit
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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