true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
