Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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