what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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