found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize