I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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