i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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