I wannas sexs uuuuu
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm jealous of your bromance
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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