so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
