Sry I called you an 8
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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