hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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