everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
