i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
