i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
