and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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