meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
