dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
