He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
