I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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