So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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