love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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