This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
