just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
