wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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