worst night to have a conscience
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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