i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
