Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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