There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
