he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
