Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
