my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
