Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
