I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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