There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize